so - the secrets out - but i reckon a few people have been suspicious for a while as i'm getting a big belly! TWINS - HOSANNA AND HALLELUJAH
Well - basically getting pregnant is a nightmare for us - We've been so blessed with little one but we do both want more children. So when we found out I was pregnant again on Christmas Day we were thrilled - but i knew something was wrong really quickly - On New Years Eve I was in St Micheals having tests and scans and they diagnosed an ectopic - I had to have surgery a day later to have it removed, as ectopics will eventually rupture and can be fatal. The strange thing was that during the surgery they discovered the bits of my insides which were squished had somehow righted themselves - ISN'T GOD CLEVER!
Anyway - the next few months were a little bit of a dark time. Paul was very quiet - trying to be supportive and making me rest and stay at home as much as possible. I just felt low and not able to articulate why. I usually don't get depressed cos i usually cry and talk out my problems with God and a friend then I pray and move on. But i found this hard to move on from. I wasn't greiving or angry - i just couldn't shake the fed up feeling.I remember one sunday leaving the hall and going into the office for a private cry and Lozzie following me and just giving me a big hug. I also rememeber going to an elders meeting and just sitting there crying and not knowing why - i'm telling you it was dark - to be a derpessed person would be awful. But God never left me. When it came to preaching or leading worship I felt like i had nothing to give so i prayed and asked God to work through me and the Holy Spirit never let me down. He never let me do a bad job because He cares about the church and cares about me. God is indescribably faithful. We don't aprreciate how faithful.
By March I was feeling brighter - my hormones had probably come back into order and by the middle of April I was pregnant again - My first reaction was to be very anxious - i know i shouldn't be but after the ectopic i wouldn't allow myself to be happy about it until i knew it was ok. So my Dr and my Consultant were busily writing letters to each other and doing bloods and ordering scans.
My blood tests showed something unusual - it wasn't ectopic PRAISE GOD - but it did indicate downs syndrome or a multiple pregnancy - it could also have been a molar pregnancy which is where a growth in the womb consumes the growing baby! You can just imagine how it was waiting for my first scan to come through. Paul was always confident - but he was confident at Christmas so i didn't really listen to him (don't tell him though)
I had my first scan and they said they thought it was twins but the just weren't totally sure cos it was too early to see them. So I had to go back 10 days later - when they said that it was definitely twins. I was so pleased cos I'd like 3 kids and the whole pregnancy thing for me is tough so doing it in one go is like a complete result! Then came more bad news - the consulant told us that we had a 50:50 chance of loosing one - or both. Out of every 80 twin pregnancys only 30 actually are born as twins - i don't understand how that works out at 50:50 but he did manage to explain it. So we then had to pray, trust God and wait. God has a plan for all our lives and if that meant having an ectopic at Christmas as He had a better plan in mind then all we can do is trust him. There aren't any half measures when you're a christian are there.
So Shandy and Bess and the other elders were praying - and a few close mates i'd told. Finally we had a 12 weeks scan last Wednesday - 2 babies, 2 placentas (that's really good cos if they share one they can get sick) and 2 sacs (that's also good cos they don't get caught in each others cords). Complicated stuff i know.
They are 6cm long at the moment. how cool is that? They have fully formed hands and feet and hearts are beating away mega fast. They have the best possbile chance - We're not quite out of the woods yet but God's is control.
God is so faithful - and I know and believe in my heart that God is faithful in the ectopic and in the twins pregnancy. God's got HIS sovereign hand on our lives whether things are going well or not. Just think all the odds are totally against me having children. it is God's way or nothing for us.
Thank you Lord.
